"He grabbed a cup, held a soda gun above it for a few seconds, and then handed it to me."That'll be a dollar," a woman said as she came up to me, dryi...g a cup with her apron. "Donnie here can't speak." That's a shame," I said."What brings you in here?" she said."My... um, my doctor recommended the place," I said.She looked sympathetically at me. "How recently did you get SCABS?" I woke up this morning like this," I said, gesturing."Welcome to the club," the waitress said, smiling. "I used to be. I thought it was fantastic.“Before I start telling you more of ‘history according to Jan the Tart’ I’d like to ask you a question,” I said.“Go ahead.”“With all this talk of fucking and sex generally, are you thinking of fucking me?”Pause. He obviously needed a moment to think of a suitable answer.“I’m sure that it would be lovely, but…no, I am not. At my age, you can be interested in sex without needing to practice it. Anyway, it isn’t always possible, and I wouldn’t want you to be insulted by. “Thirty-five,” she replied as she sat back down on the chair.“Wow!” I replied. “You hide your age well.”“I try,” she replied.“So are you married?” I asked, taking notice that she wasn’t wearing a wedding band.“Divorced,” she replied. “Happily, divorced.”“Kids?” I asked.“Two,” she replied. “Teenagers.”“I know that feeling,” I replied.“So, what do you think?” she asked, her hands folded and resting in her lap.“I’ll have to be honest with you,” I replied. “You’re probably going to be asked to do. And when we're finished--when I've cleaned the sink and swept thekitchen--we aren't free to enjoy the day. Mrs. Henson divides the kidsinto pairs and has them drill on school work. She takes me into my roomand has me make my bed and pick up all the clothes I'd dropped on thefloor the night before. Get this, she even asked me if I'd changed myunderwear! And then she made me change it! She made me brush my teeth andfloss and rinse and told me I would have to shower before church tonight.Who goes.
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