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They all are brought to the courthouse and all you hear is chatter.“Order in my court”, screams the judge. “Can someone come up and please expla...n what happened?”Johnny speaks up, “Well you sees judge, at a Newfie wedding, it’s tradition for the first mate to have a dance with the bride. So I gets up there and I’m dancing with the bride. She was grinding up on me you see and Tommy the groom didn’t take too kindly to that. So Tommy walks up and kicks her right in the pussy!”“Right in the pussy?”. In the Big Rock Candy MountainsAll the cops have wooden legsAnd the bulldogs all have rubber teethAnd the hens lay soft-boiled eggsThe farmers’ trees are full of fruitAnd the barns are full of hayOh I’m bound to goWhere there ain’t no snowWhere the rain don’t fallThe winds don’t blowIn the Big Rock Candy Mountains. In the Big Rock Candy MountainsYou never change your socksAnd the little streams of alcoholCome trickling down the rocksThe brakemen have to tip their hatsAnd the railway bulls are. The people behind us slowly seemed to fall into a fitful sleep, and everything became deathly quiet. Only the three of us near the door could hear the muffled shouts and the clash of steel on steel through the enormous Chantry doors. But nothing ever seemed to approach the doors themselves, and the sounds remained soft and unobtrusive.After a while, I think I drowsed, leaning back against a pillar, chin on my chest, only to wake every few minutes listening to the minutest sounds filtering. Then she started letting her sexuality bubble to the surface. That was what really hooked me. I met her at a wedding reception and we exchanged numbers after spending two hours talking together and dancing exclusively with each other. She can really move on the dance floor. Those heavy breasts crushed against my chest during the slow numbers caught my attention, too. I called her first and we went out. Then we went in — in to my apartment, that is. After that things moved fast. Within six.
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